The Standard Chosen helps Christian women stop repeating the cycle and make confident decisions in real time.
You Don’t Need to Be Chosen. You Need to Choose Well.
You’re praying for marriage, but marriage isn’t built by lowering your standards or settling out of fear. It starts with becoming a woman who knows her worth, honors her boundaries, trusts God’s timing, and has the discernment to choose a relationship aligned with the life she’s been praying for.
You're not missing "tips". You need a coached decision system you can actually use when you're triggered, emotional, tempted to compromise, or under pressure.
A transformational framework for building secure and fulfilling love.
The 6-Week Structure
Week 1: Pattern Interruption
Week 2: Emotion Regulation
Week 3: Boundaries
Week 4: Standards
Week 5: Real-Time Behavior
Week 6: Decision From Power
✨Weekly 60-minute live Q&A with on-the-spot coaching
✨Weekly 60-minute office hours for real-time and real-world support
✨Structured personalized action steps so you apply the system, not just understand it
✨A small cohort of 6-8 women for confidential, high-touch support
Break unhealthy cycles, strengthen self worth, uphold your standards, and make empowered choices.
Join The Homegirl Hangout
Women-Centered
Community
The Homegirl Hangout is where ambitious women come to find community without the competition. A space to be seen, supported, and surrounded by women who get it and live it.
Clinically Trained Coaching
With a background as an LMFT, Toi Harris brings evidence-based practices to your coaching experience, helping you finally show up in love the way you do everywhere else.
Transformation Focused
A transformation focused community where driven women come together to break the patterns, do the deeper work, and finally attract the love that matches the energy thats in everything else in their life.
Meet Your Coach
Toi Harris
I’m a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist turned relationship coach helping Christian women step out of emotionally exhausting relationship cycles and into a more grounded, secure way of living and loving.
After years in the therapy field, I noticed a pattern—women were highly self-aware, insightful, and still finding themselves in the same relational dynamics. The issue wasn’t understanding. It was how they were living, choosing, and relating in real time.
I transitioned into coaching to create a more direct, embodied approach that helps women shift from insight into a different way of being, where emotional stability, boundaries, and self-trust become the standard, not the exception.
This work is not just about “finding love.” It’s about becoming the woman who no longer participates in what disrupts her peace and naturally experiences healthier, more secure connections as a result.
Who it's for?
You'll love this if.....
🤍You're marriage-minded and actively working toward commitment
🤍You overextend, overthink, and over-function but don't consistently know what to do in the moment
🤍Your obstacle isn't desire but decision-makking under stress (triggered, hopeful, pressured, lonely)
🤍You want coached application (not generic advice)
You may not be a fit if.....
🤍You're looking for information only (no system practice)
🤍You want to make changes without weekly accountability and coaching suppot
Common Questions
What you need to know:
Is this therapy?
Toi’s background as an LMFT informs her understanding of patterns and relationships, but coaching is not therapy. Therapy focuses on mental health treatment, healing, and processing the past. Coaching is forward-focused, helping you shift current patterns and step into a more grounded, self-led way of living and relating.
Do I need to be dating someone to work with Toi?
Not at all. In fact, some of the most powerful work happens before you're in a relationship. If you're single and tired of attracting the wrong men, this is exactly where to start. The goal is to shift the pattern before the next person walks in — not after.
How much does it cost?
Toi offers a range of options depending on where you are and what level of support you need — from a single clarity session to a full 1:1 coaching program. Pricing is discussed on your clarity call so we can find the right fit for you.
Can I join the Homegirl Hangout if I'm also doing 1:1 coaching?
The Homegirl Hangout is an exclusive space for women who have completed The Chosen Standard program and are in the Mastery level of their journey. It’s intentionally small, intimate, and not open to the public. Many women do both. The Mastery space is where you deepen the work and stay anchored in it through community, accountability, and proximity to other women operating at the same standard.
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Disclaimer:
While Toi holds a background as a licensed marriage and family therapist, the services offered through this website are coaching services only and do not constitute therapy, counseling, or mental health treatment. Coaching is not a substitute for professional mental health care. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis or require clinical support, please seek the services of a licensed mental health professional. By using this website and engaging in coaching services, you acknowledge and agree that you understand the distinction between coaching and therapy